*LaurenGould*

worry.

So I am not one to worry but for some reason I cant shake this one.  I have been coughing up blood here and there for 2 weeks.  Usually when this happens I know I have a lung infection and dont feel well.  But honestly I feel great and I am still doing it.  So I called my CF dr even though I will see her Wednesday!  I am going to start CAYSTON.  It is an inhaled medicine through the nebulizer.  It is very new but worked great for me when I wasnt pregnant.  I didn’t realize that I can take this while being pregnant so I am DELIGHTED that this can happen.  I am worried though that my doctor is wrong.  It wouldnt be the first time that she has given me a med that has made me sick.  I just dont want the medicine to affect the baby bc there is no turning back from that.  I am one thing MY BABY is another!!!

So tonight I start Cayston and we will see how it goes.  The positive side — there is always a positive side with me LOL — is I feel so much better when I take this med and I am not pregnant so since I already feel amazing I cant wait to see what it makes me feel like now!!  

I dont worry about much but I think this is something significant.  I will keep saying my prayers like I always do and just know that this is what is best for me right now!  I have been lucky so far and hope to keep this great feeling and health going.  

Well baby gould welcome to CF — its not an easy ride but its a ride you were given because of me for the rest of your life.  I will try and make it easy as can be!  <3

Nrhs cheer day 1

Ok so today is the day! Varsity cheer day one :) I’m super excited for this year for many reasons. 1. it’s my babies Kelsey hailey and kims senior year. 2. I’m pregnant and coaching. 3. The pressure is on to stay at the top “undefeated”.

The season will be full of football games, fall nights, groupies/asst. Coaches/bffs at my side (and me loving their opinions), amazing choreography, and new skills! I hope that these kids are ready for some gruesome practices!

A wise man once told me — “it’s hard to get to the top but it’s even harder to stay there” AINT THAT THE TRUTH!!

I’m over the summer and ready for the fall weather to start!

“You mess with one you mess with them all — the girls of fall!!”

Weird dreams….

Well I must say since I’ve been pregnant i have been having crazy dreams but last nights was one worth blogging about.

I’m not sure where we were but I remember being in a room and I heard a voice that sounded like my aunt Peggy! My aunt Peggy passed away november 15th 2010. She was my god mother and was always soooo good to me. She treated me like I was her own daughter And always told people that. We had little secret words for things and a really good relationship. Her death was not an easy one to take and sometimes still haunts me. Hence my dream…

We were in some room and I heard her voice and I walked around the corner and there she was. The old aunt Peggy I knew before she got sick. She was so happy to see me and I couldn’t believe she was alive. She than began to tell me how the whole thing was staged and she faked her death. Honestly I was the happiest girl. I asked a million questions on how and why and she told me to keep it a secret between me and her. She told me she couldn’t take her life anymore and wanted to start new so she faked her death and she was only telling certain people she was still alive! I remember hugging her -
God it felt so real :(

How I wish I still had her to keep secrets with and have her tell me how much she loves me and me tell her I love her. sometimes this dreaming thing can be hard but I am just looking at it as another chance to huh my aunt Peggy and have her tell me she loves her new life! Whereever she is I know shes in a good place and still holds all of our secrets.

Miss you and our “run runs” …. Can’t wait to have another dream :)

emotional breakdown/nonsense*

Today I had the pleasure of going to try on my dress for Jesses wedding.  I was really going today just to see where I was with the size of the dress and see how much extra room I have.  I am so glad I decided to go because although I ordered a whole size up the dress wouldnt close on me ALREADY.  I immediately started to panic because I have 2 months left before Jesses big day.  The lady at the dress place was like dont worry we can take this out move this blah blah and all I could think of was OMG this dress is gonna look so different.  Before deciding anything I called Jess in to see what was going on and had a MELTDOWN!!! Not sure what came over me but I was soooo overwhelmed with panic that I didnt know what else to do.  Thank god Jess was super calm and told me it will be fine and we can fix it. Well Jess was right and after talking to the dress lady we found out it can be taken on on both sides and fixed.  

1.  I think that I cried is ridiculous.  I was so worried about the dress looking ridiculous on me and/or Jess getting mad if they changed the look of the dress.   

2. This sounds so obnoxious but I now know why some of my friends get so upset when they try clothes on and they dont fit right.  I really never had that problem but today was a huge eye opener!  

So after everything I am taking Sierras 14 (which is crazy that she was sized for that) and she is taking my 12 and EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE just like Jess said.  

Long story short I am always the one calming people down and making everything better and here I was crying because my dress was too tight!  Ahhhh pregnancy hormones it creates emotional breakdowns that are nonsense!  Gotta love it :)

My little dancer <3

Today we had our FIRST high risk obgyn appointment.  JJ and I were VERY excited because we knew we would be able to hear the heart beat for the first time.  The office was UNBELIEVABLE.  It was super clean and so up to date with technology.  I sat in the coolest chair that laid you back no problem and JJ and I were looking at a 42 inch flat screen of our peanut.  I was also elated because it was my first sonogram that they ran the “gun” over the belly instead of an internal one.  It is like something you see out of a movie.  

They ran the gun over my belly and walah there Baby Gould was BIGGER than ever.  It is like nothing you have ever experienced.  They checked everything two legs, two arms, two hand, two feet — AMAZING!!  What I have learned is this baby LOVES to move like her/his mama :) To watch the baby move like crazy and see its legs kicking made me cry.  It was the first time there was no holding back.  I couldnt even talk! :)  JJ kissed my forhead and was amazed just like I was.  We think the baby has my profile/nose!  Still not sure if its boy or girl but whatever it is its ours and thats the most important part.

Just when I thought I couldn’t get any more emotional they turned the sound up. And there is was the sound of the baby’s heartbeat at 165 bpm.  BREATHTAKING.  I have had a lot of life changing moments in my life but this tops them all.    

Then I sent my normal text to the fam and best friends and the following convo made me laugh:

BABY GOULD IS GROWING AND MOMMY AND DADDY COULD NOT BE MORE PROUD ALREADY :)

diminishing youth. bubbly belly.

Ok so today was a big day… TWO major things happened!

1.  I have been putting this off for a while now.  I read about it and decided then when I was ready I would take care of it but TODAY was the day.  I took my belly button ring out!!!!!!  It was not easy but I have to be honest it was looking ridiculous through my clothes.  My belly is getting bigger and the ring was getting in the way and looking stupid.  So today I took it out and proceeded to yell “there goes my youth”.  I hope that it will be there after I have the baby but who knows?  I personally think that a belly button ring during pregnancy is an oxy moron.  But its out and I felt like a little bit of my youth went with it ….

2.  I have officially felt my little peanut move!  I know I am just 12 weeks but they say that small framed women can definitely feel the baby earlier then most.  I swear the feeling I was having would take my breath away.  Its like going over a hill really fast and the feeling you get on the way down.  It is amazing.  Then throughout the day I felt like I had little bubbles in my belly.  It was crazy :) Definitely a special day for me.  

The only thing I wish could happen is JJ being able to feel what I feel <3